I am always dissappointed when I see internet comments become personal and destructive. This means I spend a lot of time dissappointed.
Recently someone posted a poetic tribute about the people who devote their lives to public safety. The emphasis was on the fire service and brought out some thought provoking points about a vocation most of us are only vaguely familiar with.
The first two responses pointed out the post belonged in the off topic portion of the bulletin board.
It turned out there was a lot of support for the post and the mudslinging was at full speed in record time. Several pages later antagonists were still justifying their remarks, with no end in sight.
In management training we stress the advantages of making our comments based solely on observable behavior. On the internet this would be a tremendous skill as well.
Almost every post contains some form of assumption. The assumptions are usually about the intent or motivation of another poster. This leads to a volley of counterattacks and defensive posts which add little to the original intent of the thread.
The same thing happens at work when a supervisor assumes an employee’s motivation. Instead of pointing out an employee has been late for work a certain number of minutes during a certain period of time, there is a tendency to accuse him/her of laziness.
The problem is one cannot prove laziness. Absence during work hours on the other hand is an observable behavior and may be addressed.
If we could learn to talk to each other at work and in social settings in terms of observable behavior, we would find ourselves in a more civil society. There is plenty of room for speculation, kidding, teasing, and otherwise expressing our opinions. It’s just not appropriate in formal settings such as when admonishing others.
A good rule of thumb is: reserve opinions for light or positive moments; remain factual when a serious remark is in order.
If you participate in bulletin boards or even when you write email demonstrate leadership by being a voice of reason.